What is love? and should we ever surmise
we know what goes on behind somebody's eyes?
We wonder at them, but don't realize why
soon enuf. (I love carolin now & know why.)
Is it true 'better late than never'?
life's so short, does anything last forever?
'It's never too late' is what I'm coming to;
Who'd imagine otherwise, would you?
I think you're right, at least i hope so,
otherwise the world is hollow
I'm feeling awfully alone as I write this.
I didn't expect to, but...there it is.
you can't be torn from those you've loved
they stay, they watch you from above
but being watched is not enuf; I feel cold
& see myself only getting alone & old.
one person is usually left alone,that is true
& it's now down to you to carry on for two.
I asked how long one grieves; answers
ranged from 6 to 30mos. It's now 4 years. ..
the people you asked obviously were not seeing
that Carolin was a special human being
They believed the numbers they were told,
oblivious to what makes Love really hold.
the strange thing is we can only try and cope,
we can never know in this life, only hope
What we know isn't learned just by seeing;
we learn it's also learned by feeling.
i feel you'll meet again one day
so do your best 'til then, i pray.
I've dreamt it will be true:
Carolin & I will again be 2.
dreams are a force to be reckoned with,
so trust in them - they're not a myth.
I know it ; Carolin & I were companions
once before; now twice; next, again.
Then there's your proof - you've done all this before.
Sooner than you know it,two you'll be once more.
How soon? Maybe not in our next life or
maybe not even after another.
I believe it will feel like the blink of an eye,
Whether 10 years or 20 or a hundred and five.
My Jungian therapist cautions me otherwise:
it may not be until lives after our next life.
Who's he to know , tho, when it ought to be -
Believe your heart, it knows more truthfully.
My heart craved Carolin for decades more.
It's damaged by her dying & sadly sore.
Your last two lines sum up this pome-
You were her rock, she was your home.
Carolin, my heroine, adventured
boldly beyond anywhere I dared.
I always found her brave & true,
& obviously so did you.
She inspired me to accompany her
but now I must dare to be like her.
She's gone ahead to plan the future
& you need to be brave until you meet her
Thank you for telling me that now;
I badly needed to hear it...now.
And when you're at your lowest ebb
REMEMBER - Carolin has gone on ahead.
When she was dying, it gave comfort,
but now, 4 long years later, not.
Was easier when your girl was still on earth.
But now your job - to hope even when hurt.
I want to hope, but it takes more energy
than I'd ever realized; it really drains me
Nothing worth having is ever too easy,
But keep going forward - you have to believe me.
Oh, I do, but with a battered heart & spine,
forward motion demands more body-time.
Then try to float above your daily grind
And let time pass to heal your heart & mind
Days moved along when we were together;
now I attend to endless detail without her.
And so it is for the time foreseeable,
But you will meet again,though you find it inconceivable
Knowing one minor incident only we
know will be our proof-of-return key.
And when you reach that point you both will say
'Wow - since we last met seems like yesterday'
I know I'll weep. Carolin's soul in a new body
will fulfill what I'm hoping for already.
Your weeping will be at last the happy sort,
The joy of recognition lengthily sought.
This recent/present life was our 2nd-try;
our 3rd will begin with that happy cry.
You know you've done it twice before
So DO NOT DOUBT, this I implore.
I don't doubt it, I struggle towards it;
It seems so far away I ache w/out it.
Then maybe give yourself a rest,
To regroup before your next test.
Thank you for helping me to see
this as wavecrests of eternity.
That sums it up! & as for your beloved -
Her hand in this poem I'm sure has been involved.
I've wondered that as we write here;
I only tell you how much I want her.
I've felt it since we started writing -
she guides my words when I am faltering
Mine, too. My admissions grow per line;
they amaze me, but we both know why.
I guess even the idea for this poem
Came from her and I didn't know it
If so, we're both now the better for it.
She always saved us when we needed it.
I continue to treasure all the insights she gave me
and when they are needed they continue to save me.
I often feel her directing me to act correctly;
when I'm beset by doubt; I feel she helps me.
I'm sure she does - tough times she helps soften
With the horoscope she wrote which I refer to still often.
I wish she'd written me onel I'd read it gladly
when I'm most in need. (I read Cainer's daily.)
Brezsny is the one she pointed me towards
But, of course, it's not a patch on hers.
Breszny's obscure & abstruse;
Cainer suits my simpler use.
Carolin used to recommend him
And I find him not too grim.
Cainer's pos-prediction daily
I pop to my son Alex in NYC
Yet the one that sums me up the most
Is the 'scope she wrote that I use as a signpost.
She never wrote me one that I've found yet;
if it's anywhere, it's in a book or file-cabinet.
Then let it be - you don't really need it,
You have her love, which will not let you quit.